Inside His Mind

When duty calls

But tears begin to fall

You wonder where is God in it all?

Back-aching

Pain-staking

Heart-breaking

Oh God!

Not again

She was only ten

Suicide robbed us of all the answers … no way of

knowing which so-called friend …

 

Bullied

Scurried

While this young girl was buried

 

Not me

I don’t want to be

The precinct hero

Up against evil … nothing adds to nothing … you wind up with zero

I don’t want to see

The rigid body of a lady

Who overdosed

And choked

Who is no more, story over

I don’t want to be the one on scene

Who has to give CPR

until the ambulance gets there

Only to find out the guy is dead and be the one

to tell his wife standing over there

I don’t want my heart

Pierced so bad it looks different than at the start

Of my marriage,

Our love story, my wife and babies in the carriage

I want to love them pure

As if I wasn’t tainted by fear

I want to be home and fully present

So they remember me as a husband and dad

who wasn’t …

 

A walking zombie

A stressed out mess only taking care of me

A distant soldier

Who can’t even write letters because he’s broken

 

I am a police officer

But first I am a son to my heavenly Father

Then, my marriage, the enormous blessing He says is second in order

I am a dad to my sons,

loving and training them to rise above

I like to have time for friends

To do things like fish, hike

Maybe out to get a bite

Yes, I am a police officer

I pray to be a help to someone each day

I pray to be used by God in such a way lives are saved

Will you judge me if I pray most often to come home safe,

that my heart longs to grow old with my wife and be a grandad who plays?

~

“See it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to wreak havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me”, declares the Lord (Isaiah 54: 16-17).

~

Even I, a police wife, cannot know the total workings of the mind of an officer. Only God can. However, He gave me this poem as I meditated on my husband’s comings and goings on night shift, how it is hard to leave the family on Friday afternoon when our weekend is just kicking off, how it is hard to shake off death of anyone let alone a child or an innocent victim, how it is easy to drift away from the anchor God provides when your work IS the broken world. People don’t call the police to praise the Lord or give encouragement. They call because they are desperate, they are lost, they are worried for someone, they are suffering a tragedy in their own homes … domestic violence, car crashes, addiction, depression, suicidality. Not everyone views the police as helpful. Some are filled with hate because the police represent a stumbling block to their unlawful plans. Some seek fame by persecuting police.

Please join me tomorrow (Wednesday Feb. 19th at 8am Eastern time to pray for police. I will read this poem and some of Isaiah 54. Go to https://Facebook.com/jdibble4Him

All photos in this post are from Pixabay.com.

In Christ,

Julie

https://juliedibblewrites.wordpress.com

https://Facebook.com/jdibble4Him

https://Instagram.com/jayjule03