Rising from the Deep

A whirlwind
a tailspin of trusting Him
Labels
Memories
Black marks
Insecurities
Tools of the thief
Tearing me away
From the One who gave us the light of day
This ‘what am I’
Over and over
I thought I knew
But then the wind blew
I used to discern
After the veil was torn
Now I am spinning in sin
Please
Can’t you hear the violin
My what-about-me-whine
Of past times
Circling me like hawk
Gripping my throat
Restricting. the choke
I gasp for air
My God, My Savior
On my knees
I cry.
I know it’s not about me
Lord, clean me
Wipe away
Fear determined to make me stray
The dictator ordering my given purpose
Sit down and shut up
Rebuking my soul
You don’t need no cup
Whispering to my heart
There’s too much pain,
Go back to the bitter, cold start
Start?
It was a hold for five years
Dried up tears
Memories of loss
Elevated me to boss of all
I bled out wrath
On that path to destruction
Suddenly, someone came
An angel He named
To waken me to Him
Lean in
Listen
To Christmas songs of old
To know now where I belong.
What in heavens has gone wrong?
My Spirit and Him
abiding in bliss
Yet drying nonetheless
Sapped of a leader
Of a teacher
My feet stand firm
While my soul casts stones
At myself
Image-bearer
Christ-sharer
What am I Lord?
I know who but what?
Your love fills my cup
With boldness I step out
Intend to walk with you
But something went askew
Knees quake
My innermost being begins to shake
I thought I knew
Who and what
But Lord I can’t hear You
Drowning in mud
Dripping with envy
Lips of doubt follow the scary
Even as I see your clouds up close
Imagining one day it will be You Jesus
I will hear
No more fear
Of missing Your voice
Praise and angelic Hallelujahs, Heaven’s only choice
But now Lord, I don’t want to miss hearing now in the noise
Shout at me, Lord
Strip me naked, Lord
Start from scratch
Cuz apparently I was attacked
A heavy yoke
In the midst of the soak
Please just show me Lord
Who and what
The next step, the truth that cuts
Me who preaches?
Me who speaks?
The writer?
The fighter?
Me in the Christ
And Christ in me
The holy
Set apart
And free
I am Your vessel Lord
In all I do
I am You
I AM in me
Please help me know Your power
Residing in the abiding
The holy center
The anointed call
On my life
To write and speak
What of the ministry?
Do what pleases me
You are prepared to be
Unafraid
In the mounting tirades
Of these last days
You are chosen to be
A beacon
On a hill
For the seeking to see
You are unequivocally
Mine
So in faith, standing firm
Rally your battle cry
I Am Your eyes
I Am Your words
I Am Your thoughts
You are no longer in the devil’s clutch
For I claim whomever satan tries to touch.

~~~

Welcome! This poem is posted on my birthday to celebrate victory in Jesus! No matter how many times we are attacked, Jesus has overcome.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world (John 16:33).

New post which tells more of this story up at https://juliedibblewrites.wordpress.com

Connect with me on the ministry page https://Facebook.com/jdibble4Him

https://Instagram.com/@jayjule03

Have a peace-full day.

In Christ,

Julie